Consider the Lilies...

So this is a pretty major blog post. I am wanting to tell about the amazing author that God is of my life. I look back over my time here in California, the steps that I took to get here and then to go back home, and am amazed, speechless, and overwhelmed. I also look back at the journey of faith that I have taken, and am again amazed by God's hand in my life, by His grace, by His love, and the fact that I am not worthy nor responsible for any of the blessings. It's humbling, it points all glory to God, and I feel that I should give account. - "Return home and tell how much God has done for you." - Luke 8:39

"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." - Isaiah 25:1

So... where to begin? I will go back 2 years to College. Actually - let me go back 6 years to graduating High School. I remember in Senior English having to write a career paper about what I wanted as a career and where I wanted to go to college. I wanted to be a Pediatrician and go to Baylor University. That was beginning of senior year. By the end of senior year, I was planning to attend Texas A&M University declaring General Studies because I had no idea what I wanted to do. I remember there being a lot of pressure in high school and in the beginning of college to have the next four years of your life planned out. Even talking to recent high school grads - I see them going through the same turmoil.

For example, say you're considering architecture but have no idea if that's what you want to do. Architecture classes start freshman year. If you go through general studies and get all of your core classes out of the way and then decide sophomore or even junior year that maybe you want to be in architecture, you're already behind in the game. And what if you decide you want to do architecture freshman year but then by sophomore or junior year you decide it's not for you - you've lost many hours that don't transfer over - again, behind in the game.

At least that's the way of thinking you go through when deciding what you want to do. It's a lot of pressure. These decisions could affect the rest of your life.

BUT, looking back, I would tell myself not to worry; not to fret. That's what I want to tell all of the high school grads I know. I would imagine (and this statistic is completely pulled out of thin air) that at least 50 to 75% of all people don't end up doing what they originally decided they wanted to do when they started college. And maybe 20% of the ones that do, only do so because they got into something they could not escape because of the invested time - leaving only 5% who knew what they wanted to do from the time they were born and pursued that goal until they succeeded. Again, statistics are completely made up but they serve to make my point. I actually did tell a mom and her daughter my thoughts on this while I was on a plane ride back to Texas a few months ago. They were flying around visiting potential colleges and trying to choose a major. They were frazzled and stressed and asked my experiences. The best advice I could give was to not fret. "Who of you add a day to your life by worrying?" These things have a way of working themselves out - and I have learned, that it's God who works them out.

I went off on a bit of a tangent. But God makes these things clear when you look back. He was in control the whole time. I started out General Studies and quickly figured out in my Biology class that I didn't want to be a doctor. I have always been good at Science, but I realized I just couldn't be passionate about it. And 4 years of college, plus med school, plus residency, before you ever "make it" - that requires PASSION. Of which I was lacking for the DNA sequence, homeostasis, ribosomes, bacteria, archaea, eucaryota, etc.

But I knew I liked kids. So I decided to declare early childhood education as my major. I even convinced myself this was what God wanted. Any maybe He did for that season of my life. I remember winning a scholarship because of a paper I wrote on the difference I would make in the world as a teacher - I found passion - or something resembling passion.

I went through 2 years of taking childhood education classes and "observing" at schools. I made friends and a sort of home within the education department at A&M. I realize this happens mainly because the education classes are all in one building at A&M and it starts to become your own mini-high school where you see the same people everyday. But something still didn't sit right with me. I realize this Junior year - 3 years into my college education - and now more reason to worry.

Going away to College does an amazing thing for your faith and your relationship with God if you pursue that. I became a Christian at an early age, grew up in the church, and had a pretty steady walk with God throughout my whole life, thanks to the way my parents raised me and the great youth program my church has. But when you go away, there's no one there making sure you go to church or stay on the straight and narrow. You really take your faith as your own. God becomes so much more to you. At least that's what happened to me. I discovered and rediscovered a new kind of relationship with my Father.

So all the while that I'm trying to figure out what the heck I want to do with my life, I'm learning what it means to completely trust in God; I'm learning about total surrender (this is something I'm still learning and probably always will). I take the plunge and decide I don't want to be a teacher. I even remember the exact moment I came to this realization. I was sitting in the living room of my friend LeeAnne's house. We had spent the day laying out in her backyard swimming pool. And when I say swimming pool I mean horse trough that LeeAnne put pool lining in. We live up to the good Aggie name. :) Anyways, I knew I didn't want to be a teacher but I didn't know what I wanted to be. I figured I could apply for the business school because that would widen the possibilities of what I could do upon graduation. My creative brain naturally pushed me toward Marketing, so 2nd semester of Junior year I change my major yet again to Marketing. I had to remind myself over and over again that God had a plan and I just needed to trust and surrender. I was learning about how, in the words of James McDonald, "there's not a dot." God doesn't always have your exact career path lined out; He gives us free-will to make those decisions, all the while seeking His guidance and staying in His will. I learned that His will could be that I be a teacher or a nurse (random - I've never wanted to be a nurse). But I knew I could be either one or any number of other professions and still be "in His will" as long as I'm staying in a relationship with Him, praying, seeking His guidance, etc. That should be comforting, but to me, it was a bit scary to learn that. That meant that there wasn't an EXACT path that I had to follow, and that decisions - even while completely seeking His will - could send me one way or the other. But either way, God is with me and He does have an ultimate plan, even if I fill in some of the details. It's hard to explain - but I think that's why so much of God is a mystery - incomprehensible. I feel that I have the lesson grasped now - but learning it was a definite process. But each decision I've made and each step of the journey that has gotten me to where I am now has confirmed what I've learned and confirmed that God has been the author every step of the way, even when my faith wasn't what it should have been, even when I knew not to worry yet I still couldn't shake the fears and concerns.

"If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself." - 2 Timothy 2:13

Okay, so fast forward a bit to Senior year. Suprisingly, even after the 3 different major declarations, I graduated in 4 years and a summer. At this point, I'm finished with pretty much all of my business courses and marketing courses, and still have no clue what I want to do. I remember looking through monster.com at job descriptions for various jobs and being overwhelmed with feelings of not being prepared or being indecisive. I remember looking back and wondering if I had made bad choices (wishing I had gotten into architecture or environmental design freshman year) or being mad at myself for not figuring out at an early age where I wanted to be in the future and making decisions based on that. But that wouldn't have required as much blind faith, would it? I wouldn't trade my path for anything. Trials make you stronger and increase your faith. I've also always had a bit of "wanderlust" and thought about traveling and seeing the world (nevermind that I can't afford this). So when my cousin has a fairytale of her own and falls head over heels for a boy out in California, I jump at the chance to move with her to the West Coast upon graduation, much to the dismay of my friends and family. I just keep playing the line in Pretty Woman: "Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin' - this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin'. " Though I didn't come out here to be an actress, I was coming to Hollywood, the land of dreams. So I was thinking that and the classic Tom Petty song Into the Great Wide Open.

"Eddie waited till he finished high school
He went to hollywood, got a tattoo
He met a girl out there with a tattoo too
The future was wide open"
...
"Into the great wide open,
Under them skies of blue
Out in the great wide open,
A rebel without a clue"

Though I've never been a self-professed rebel, listening to a Tom Petty song has a way of taking you there. It seemed like an adventure I wanted to take, an experience. I was restless and needed an adventure. But I prayed about it a lot. I struggled with knowing whether I was placing my own desires over what I thought God wanted. I prayed often to God that going to California was something I wanted, but asking that He would show me if it wasn't His will - that He would close doors and give me new desires if what I was doing was impulsive and not something He desired for me. But all He seemed to do was open doors. Every single thing fell into place.

Natalie and I knew we were moving to Valencia, so I needed to find a job there. I looked on monster.com and found a sales rep was needed for United Shipping Solutions in Valencia. I didn't know if wanted to do sales. Thoughts of annoying telemarketers kept coming to mind, and I didn't want to hate doing my job. But the job description seemed appealing and I knew I could support myself in California with a higher cost of living if I was successful at this job. It was all about baby steps. I would apply, find out as much as I could, ask the right questions, and pray that God would lead me in the right direction. I probably applied to 10 different jobs that day on Monster, a mix of marketing and sales jobs. The only company that expressed interest was United Shipping Solutions and they called me back that day. I think this is a testament to the professionalism and to the type of company that I am in now more than anything. I am blessed beyond words to be apart of this company. But more on that later. This was the first interview I had done. I started the interview not knowing if this was something I wanted, and ended it knowing that I had to have this job. Needless to say the interview went well and I was scheduled for an in-person interview and a ride-day for the week that my cousin and I were going out there to look for a place to live. That interview went well as well and by the end of the week I was offered a job. And if that's not evidence enough that God had His hand in this, I haven't even gotten to the good part yet. The job required a week long training. I already had an exact move date of Sept 16th picked out, because I was not the only one moving - my cousin was involved too and so we had to plan together. Training started on Sept 10th - and in DALLAS. They never had training in Dallas before but training ended exactly a day before I was set to move all of my stuff with my cousin from Dallas to LA. I couldn't have written it better myself.

On the flip side, from my boss's perspective, he was wondering how he was going to staff an office in Valencia. Valencia is more of a family town, a suburb outside of LA, and not exactly a destination for young urban professionals - not as glamorous as downtown LA or somewhere on the beach. But that was exactly where I needed to be, living less than 10 minutes from the office. So even from his perspective, it was perfect fit.

So I set out for California with all details perfectly in place, excited about the opportunities and experiences ahead of me. The job turned out to be amazing. I loved every bit of it, and turned out to actually be pretty good at it. On top of that, I have a great boss who is an even better teacher and have learned so much about business from him and from my customers.

But, despite the beautiful weather and the endless things to do in LA, about 3 months into it I was second-guessing my decision to come. I went from having an abundance of friends, having to actually find "me-time," and running myself into the ground with social activities in college, to knowing absolutely no one beyond my cousin and her fiance's family and having more than enough me-time. I couldn't find a church I liked, making friends didn't come as easily as it did in Texas - I won't get into the dynamics of California people versus Texas people, but even social networking is a different game. It took me a while to get used to it. Whereas in Texas, I could meet someone one night and be best friends with them for years to come, in California cultivating friendships takes a bit more effort. I struggled with seeing all of the reasons I came out to begin with because I was lonely. So during this time my prayer was that God would show me He truly wanted me here, that He would at least give me a contentedness. Thankfully, I had an amazing job. Because of how well I was doing with work and the enjoyment I got from that, I could focus on that, and soon God answered my prayer and I was happy and loving Calfornia. I even was thinking that I would stay out here indefinitely and take advantage of all of the opportunities for advancement that my job had to offer - a complete 180 from the feelings I was having three months into the move.

Fast forward again to October, 2008 and the demise of Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, AIG, and the credit market, and things are looking pretty shaky. Because DHL couldn't hack it in this economy, they left the US and there went most of my commission. Needless to say, the future of my company was uncertain at this point. Many of the franchises were getting out and taking their business elsewhere or dissolving their companies completely. We, thankfully, stuck with it and waited out the storm. At least I was waiting it out, I know my boss was doing a lot of work and analyzing the market on his own. I completely trusted him and felt quite a bit of loyalty to him and the company because of all the benefits I had received from it thus far. But during this time, I spent a lot of time again on my knees and learning to trust God. Living in Texas in a bad economy was looking a lot better to me than living in California in a bad economy. But I was in a great position right where I was, and if we could weather that economic storm, I knew I would be okay. I kept my options open, though, and looked around for jobs in Texas. I spent a lot of time battling within myself to be patient and wait on the Lord. I didn't want to make any major moves out of fear and uncertainty, and I wanted it all to be in God's timing. The thing I kept feeling Him tell me was to wait. To wait on the Lord. You would think by now I'd have the surrender-my-own-will thing down pat but I'm still a work-in-progress. But I waited. I kept looking for open windows, kept looking for opportunities, but all the while I prayed for His guidance. During that time, you can say you're waiting and have faith, but it's a constant mind battle; I was constantly questioning whether or not I was having enough faith. I was constantly questioning if I was hearing from God, if I was aware of His leadings or was I missing something completely. But looking back, I was waiting. I was praying. And even though God wasn't giving me an answer loud and clear, He was teaching me to have faith in Him.

Now the future of my company is very bright. I am so thankful that I didn't pursue any job leads that I had in Texas. I am so thankful that I waited it out. A few months ago, my boss told me he was planning on making me a sales manager, I would manage reps in the territory I'm in now, while he moved to a new territory to expand, and then he would eventually give me ownership. I took that as an opportunity to ask him if he would ever consider opening a franchise in Texas and letting me run it there, and he was totally open to it. I couldn't believe it! I hadn't even considered asking him; it just sort of came out. We did research of the economic environment and the freight environment in Texas, and about a month later, I'm scheduled to end up in Dallas in July! I received a promotion to a sales manager. I'll eventually have reps under me, and as the territory expands, I'll have managers managing those reps. The possibilities are endless. I'll be able to continue to grow as a salesperson and experience all the great benefits of this job, all while being in Texas. And you all know the role Texas plays in my heart. I just don't think I could have written a plan for my life any better than that. God has been the author every step of the way, even when I probably wasn't releasing control of the pen. That's how all-powerful He is. I asked Him to be Lord of my life and He is. And I am thriving as a result. Praise Him.

I always said that God worked it out perfectly for me to get to California, and I knew He would work it out perfectly for me to get back to Texas (unless I was destined to be a Cali girl forever, in which case I assumed He would show me that too).

Oh but wait, that's not all. I needed to find a place to live in Dallas. This I didn't stress too much about, but God, in all His faithfulness, worked that out faster than I was planning to. I had pretty much narrowed my search down to Uptown/White Rock Lake area. I messaged a friend of mine on facebook who I knew was in Dallas to tell her I was moving there, and long story short, a unit in her 4-plex was going to be available in July, the exact month I planned to move. And it was in Lakewood - exactly where I had been searching. And it had wood floors - a feature I was hoping to have. And I can have a dog- the one requirement I had. And it's bigger than my place now. And I'm saving $500 a month. And Jennifer will be my neighbor. And it's about a mile from White Rock Lake - I was hoping to live near the lake. Crazy??? Divine actually. I'm in awe!

So I say all of this, not to point to any successes I've had, not to point to my amazing amounts of faith, because trust me, it's lacking often. But I say it to point to God. He has maintained control of my life, has provided evidence of Himself and of His glory every step of the way. He is worthy of praise. I hope if you're struggling with making a decision in your life, if you're stressed about something - anything at all, if you find yourself prone to worry, perhaps you'll remember my story and remember that God has everything worked out and will unfold His plan at the exact right time, all the while revealing His glory to you and allowing you to fall more in love with the Savior. Why do we worry? He doesn't ask us to do a THING but wait. It's that easy. You just wait on Him and trust His timing.

Kudos to anyone who read through that whole story. I certainly didn't know it was going to be that long when I started out!

To God be the Glory.

Back to Texas

I'm coming back to Texas yall!

It's official. I'm heading back to Texas. I'm going to the big D and I do mean Dallas. So this posting is all about Texas. Those who read this and aren't from Texas will undoubtedly bypass this, and some may have even stopped reading already. But those from Texas will love and appreciate it. Anyone who has lived outside of Texas, as I am currently doing, will tell you that Texans are proud of their state. You don't have to be a native Texan to know that. And while Texans see their pride in Texas as common ground amongst all other Texans and top on their list of things to talk about, the rest of America sees it as obnoxious. I think Texans are aware of this and don't care. I know that I don't. But I also know that most non-Texans, though they may speak ill of the state pride, are somewhat envious of it. And I rarely speak to someone who has been to Texas and didn't like it. And I also think that most people who find themselves transplanted to Texas tend to develop that same state pride, even though they're not natives. Steinbeck says it like this:

Texas is the only state that came into the Union by treaty. It retains the right to secede at will. Texans love to bring this up. We also retain the right to fly our flag at the same height as the American flag. Everything is bigger in Texas. Texas is like a religion. People seem to either passionately love it or passionately hate it. A Texas joke told by a Texan is funny. A Texas joke told by an outsider is blasphemy. Texas is high school football. Football games have the glory and the despair of war; when a Texas team takes the field against a foreign state, it is an army with banners. Texas is cowboy boots. Whenever I land at DFW airport, I know I'm in Texas, because men in business suits are wearing ostrich skin cowboy boots as dress shoes. They aren't a fashion statement. They just are. In Texas there are as many kinds of country, contour, climate, and conformation as there are in the world saving only the Arctic. The plains in the panhandle are foreign to the wooded hills and sweet streams in the Davis Mountains. The rich citrus orchards of the Rio Grande valley do not relate to the sagebrush grazing of South Texas. The hot and humid air of the Gulf Coast has no likeness in the cool crystal in the northwest of the Panhandle. And Austin on its hills among the bordered lakes might be across the world from Dallas. There is no physical or geographical unity in Texas. Its unity lies in the mind. The identity of a "Texan" supersedes regional labels. While America has Midwesterners, New Englanders, and Southerners, a Texan is a Texan. Texas is bluebonnets, mockingbirds, and pecan trees. Texas is the Alamo. Texas is oil, cattle, and cotton. Texas is tejas. Texas is friendship. Texas is the Dallas Cowboys, the Texas Rangers, and the Houston Texans. Texas is the Aggies and the Longhorns. Texas is tex-mex and steakhouses. Texas is front porch swings and sweet tea. Texas is Aaron Watson, George Strait, Janis Joplin, and Stevie Ray Vaughn. Texas is George W. Bush, Sam Houston, and Davy Crockett. Texas is home. God Bless Texas.